Trauma : How do We Understand this Being

We think that the child will learn what relations are once they are older. But little do we know that if they are learning everything since childhood then they are learning relationships too. This is where relational development comes into picture. The relational development will come into the experience of the child when we even consider that area to be developed with the child. So just like the child to do things without you have to teach him, he also learns all about relations. And even experiences relationships in his body and registers all of it be it painful or joyful, all the experiences in his body. It is like we don’t see it but there is heat in our bodies and it is playing its role too. We start to pay attention when it starts showing us physical symptoms which are something we need to take notice of. And we forget the fact that people learn from their experiences and we forget we are experiencing things every moment even when we realise it or not. 

I know you might have read tons of sources talking about childhood trauma and its post effects physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually on a person. But what we don’t see that its effect is not just on an individual but to each one of us. We are behind correcting or making these survivors correct or feel fine but what we are not doing is taking steps as an individual to not repeat those patterns and behaviours and situations and experiences which led to these people be what they are. We are just stuck on the idea of healing these survivors but we need to heal our actions that we take as an individual to those around us. This does not mean every second we are trying to be nice; it means every second we are tuned into ourselves truly in a way that we know how to truly connect and relate to those around us. It is like all we are doing is giving water to people who are feeling the heat, but we are not trying to be people who can reduce this heat in each one of us. Remember a person unaware of his own wounds and trauma is likely to be the reason putting oneself on fire and walking around places with no awareness he is doing so or even that he is on fire.

When the word trauma or wound or past, anything of this sort comes in front of us. We all have this favourite thing to do with it. You know it recognise it in others. We just love to read about all this and then find people we can say how they have this wound. We like to feel this pity towards them. We say we empathise with these people but in reality, we are just trying to make ourselves feel better thinking they have wounds and we don’t. It is like when we read about all this and the people affected by it, we don’t really feel bad for the people who have it than how we feel good about not having it. I am not saying we are not empathising with people, but the problem is we are just empathising with just them and the root itself that is the cause of these things in the collective.

I like to explain this word trauma to people in as simple lines as I can. Trauma is often
explained as things that happened or did not happen. But to be very precise with you, trauma
are development of responses to events that one needed or wanted to happen but didn’t and
things one did not wanted or needed but happened. It can be as small as when I did not hold
your hands when you wanted or needed me to or me grabbing your hand when you didn’t want or needed. The wounds, patterns, behaviours, responses are associated with this very trauma (Experience). So, the healing actually takes place at different stages and has different tools, techniques that work differently. We cannot just heal the patterns or behaviours, we need to heal these wounds, these parts that are stuck in those experiences, and also the whole experience in and itself. And that is the reason trauma healing is not a one-step done thing, it’s a practice because we are actually moving ahead and deeper while we start this work from the outside surface patterns to inside stored experiences.